wow school's tiring... and i only had one class this morning... meh.. watevr... got to talk to some old friends during a very VERY boring tap session. i dun get why we still have tap when we're graduating.. i mean ther's really only so much to know about university apps and what not... well yah.. so they were talking about living on res and the stuff u should do to survive first year, all stuff i know cuz i have more than enuff ppl that are in uni to refer to... =)

anyhow... 'nuff of the useless stuff... i still haven't blogged about coffeehouse.. well mini-coffeehouse... ack!!! it wuz TOTALLY insane! arrite.. so we didn't really get the 100% for sure from our teacher that she wuz gonna supervise coffeehouse until like monday afterschool or so... and no one was prepped with posters or announcements or nething... so we didn't have ANY advertisements... none at all.. we didn't have a speaker... or any AV equipment aside from the amps that our guitarists (or geetarists as nat likes to say...=) brought... and we were missing tonz of transparencies... but PRAISE GOD for providing... =)

so this is what happened.... wednesday april 30, 2003
3:30pm - hazel and jason park go to the cafe to start setting up
3:40pm - worship team sets up, hazel finds that we don't have transparencies
3:45pm - hazel and jason RUN to mr. lee and beg him to photocopy transparencies for us; mr. lee being the awesome teacher that he is offers to print it off on a laser printer instead, right off the web... chords and everything... =)
3:50pm - still printing out transparencies (yes.. thats how may we were missing); jason runs back down to the cafe and tells the leaders of the various teams to pray in the back of the cafe for the upcoming fellowship time
3:55pm - still printing.... the games team starts up with a few games here and there (hazel still doesn't know how many ppl are in the cafe at this point in time)

so yah.. that wuz like the half hour before we actually STARTED.. which was around 4 or so... the games team did a lot of games... ppl got involved, it was awesome... God's soooo good! so i walk into the cafe around 4... and see A LOT of ppl... did a quick headcount... 40 ppl... jason and i run off into the hallway to pray... then we go back into the cafe and we start worship...

overall it wuz an amazing time...we finished at around 5:15 or so.. and we didnt' even get in trouble for going past 5 like we normally do... we had food... and yah.. just great times for fellowship.. and testimonies.. oh my... we only really had one testimony and like a mini-sermon c/o jason.. hehehe.. whooo!!! i see him being a pastor in the future!!! hahahah.. but yah.. it wuz awesome... the fact that we hardly did anything.. and still had 40 ppl come.. you KNOW thatz gotta be God's doing... only Him... i mean it makes no sense that ppl would come when we didnt' even advertise or nething.. and that things would go off so smoothly even when we were missing so many things... =P but PRAISE GOD!!!! it wuz amazing... can't wait to see what else He's gonna do... =)

anyhow... thaz coffeehouse... i'm gonna be soooo stinkin busy for like the rest of may... argh... don't like being so busy.. =( ANYhowz.. i should get some stuff done.. be productive in my spare... =D God bless... don't have anything in mind for verses... just keep praying and keep persevering...

okay.. so i wuz blogging last nite when everything i wuz typing went *poof!* and disappeared.. and me being tired and mostly lazy, i didn't bother retyping... but i guess i can give the point-forms of what i wuz bloggin/learning last nite.... it wuz based on this:

"Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it."

luke 17:33

Are you prepared to surrender totally and let go? The true test of abandonment or surrender is in refusing to say, "Well, what about this?" Beware of your own ideas and speculations. The moment you allow yourself to think, "What about this?" you show that you have not surrendered and that you do not really trust God. But once you do surrender, you will no longer think about what God is going to do. Abandonment means to refuse yourself the luxury of asking any questions. If you totally abandon yourself to God, He immediately says to you, "I will give your life to you as a prize . . . ."

my utmost for His highest

so yah... prettie self-explanatory... gotta give everything to Him. there are still a lotta things in life that i hold on to and try to do on my own.. which i know isn't the brightest thing to do... i guess i'm pretty dumb when it comes to things in life... i guess thaz where my "stupid sheep" side comes in... PRAISE GOD for being the Shepherd, showing me where to go... otherwise i'd like fall off a cliff or something.. =/ so yah... just learning i guess to give it up and wholly and completely leave it in His hands... been smacked a few timez here and there, but it's definitely good to hear God speak again. =)

okay.. so that wuz yesterday... today wuz really funnie too.. oh my goodness.. where to begin. okay... so last nite i wuz talking with a friend about the prospective coffeehouse we were gonna have at bci.. supposedly tmw.. but we ran into some problemz... not being able to find a supervisor and all, so we weren't even sure whether we were gonna have coffeehouse or not.. then all of a sudden our weekly/regular supervisor who at first said she wuz uncomfortable supervising an event like that apparently changed her mind... so here we go... everything wuz provided for and stuff.. but we were still kinda ill-prepped cuz everyone basically figured that it wouldn't happen if we didnt' find someone to supervise by the end of the week. so we have all the technicalities covered, but we didn't have a lotta stuff planned.. and though our teacher wuz okay with supervising the coffeehouse, she still didn't want it to be a really BIG event, and she wasn't too sure about having a speaker come in either. so that wuz the scenario and i wuz talkin to the other fellowship leader about it and he said that he thinkz we should push thru with it... me bein a l'il pessimistic thought we should post-pone it at least a week and let everyone get settled down and ready... i wuz just really uncertain whether we should push through it with or not.. cuz everything seems so disorganized...=/

then.. devos first thing this morning... oh my goodness... God's too funny...

Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in—but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.

my utmost for His highest

the whole devo was about uncertainty... and basically to stop trying to be certain about things in life.. whether they'll happen or not... and just be certain in one thing... God. when u're certain with God... it doesn't matter that u're not certain about everything else in life... because if u lift everything up to Him and let Him have some elbow-room to work, it's certain that He will work in HIS WAY.. not ours.. not the way we expect.. but the way He wants.... all we gotta do is remain faithful and honour Him in everything we do... after all, God is faithful to those who are faithful to Him and He honours those who honour Him... =) kinda scary when God speaks, but still prettie cool... so i believe we're having a "mini-coffeehouse" tmw... still a l'il unsure... but hey.. itz not about me... itz about God.

aside from that... i'm learning not to complain so much about the thingz in life that are crumby and stressing and "mah fan"... learning to glorify God in all that i do, and count my blessings... =) thaz basically it, i dun really have anything specific... just learning a lot... feel sorta like a sponge.. absorbing everything... =) why can't studying for tests be that easy? =D anywayz... final thoughts...

as children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend,
i brought my broken dreams to God
because He is my Friend.

but then instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
i hung around and tried to help
with ways that were my own.

at last, i snatched them back and cried,
"how can You be so slow?"
"my child," He said, "what could I do?
you never did let go."

let go and let God

mmm.. where to start... letz just say God's been doing some smackin upside the head again... which is good, cuz i think i really really really needed it anyway... and He clearly wasn't getting thru nudging me... so yah.. the whack wuz much needed. been learning tonz lately.. just about life, and true love, and wow.. just lotz.. can't list 'em all... too many to name... just today, God spoke like EVERYWHERE!!!! in devos first thing in the morning, in service thru the worship songz, the sermon, worship during fellowship, the bible study... waahhh... just everywhere... in everything.., through everything... i guess i'm still not feeling 100% right with God, but i'm getting there... the good news: i'm moving again in my walk with God.. no longer stuck in that rut... the smack wuz a good push too and it got me moving quicker... just hoping that itz a long-lasting moving and not just cuz i got pushed... =P

well, not gonna blog much more tonite, i should be studyin for my bio quiz tmw... but there are just some thingz that are more important than school... like getting right with God... cuz i mean truthfully, school can only get you so far... God takes u the rest of the way anyway.. if u're not right with Him, then where are you gonna go when school finishes? exactly!! and remember: marks don't get you into heaven... but of course... still glorify God thru ur schoolwork.. itz our way of responding to His blessing of education =) a l'il something i learned in bible study today... =) here's the main gist of the sermon:

when you pray, remember:
... the love of God ~ He only wants what's best for us ...
... the wisdom of God ~ He knows what's best for us ...
... the power of God ~ only He can bring to pass what's best for us ...

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

philippians 4:6-7

amazingly, i've been able to find time in the mornings to get myself outta bed and spend some time with God. granted, it's not the longest time, and sometimes i get side-tracked worrying about the time (don't wanna be late for school now), but starting the day off with God and reading the same devo at nite has really proved to be helpful. of course not everything is inspirational or life-changing... but ther'z alwayz a l'il something that God wantz to say every day... =) and today, God spoke... more God nudged... and just reminded me to keep pressin on and pushing forward.. even during those "funky" times, when u feel like u're in a rut and not inspired at all....

The proof that our relationship is right with God is that we do our best whether we feel inspired or not.

my utmost for His highest

so yah... itz kinda self-explanatory... mmm.. God's SOOOO good!!! just blessin me w/ a job and stuff... and well, school's not too bad i guess.. just gotta remember to keep workin hard, even after all the univ acceptances have come... whooo!!! PRAISE GOD for those too!!!! i can't believe He got me into all four!!! waaahh!!! i didn't waste any money... yippeee!! =D so yah.. now itz decision-making time, but i'm most likely gonna end up at york. it's so weird, cuz all my friends are starting to hear from univs too and from what it's turning out like, most of 'em are gonna end up at UT downtown... itz kinda strange.. cuz itz like my whole group of friends... at least most of 'em are gonna end up at the same univ... possibly even the same college... so odd... it'll be like high school, except in a bigger setting... but i mean we'll all still end up at different places tho. i can't imagine what it'll be like for us to all be at different schools... i mean i've grown up with a lot of 'em.. known 'em way back when we were still in kindergarten and playing in the sandbox and at the water table.. then all of a sudden i don't see 'em at all during the week... and we gotta MAKE time to chill and meet up and stuff rather than just passing by in the hallz and stopping for a chat... mmm... it'll be really really strange.. but i guess thaz all part of growing up.. reaching out and meeting new ppl.. hahaha.. after all.. it'll be more opportunities to evangelize.. wheee!!! =)

so ANYwayz.. 'nuff freaky thots about univ... still can't believe that i'll be ther in september.. don't feel old 'nuff to be in university.. but at the same time, i'm prettie ready to leave highschool... or maybe i'm just ready for summer.. and time to RELAX... =) just lookin over the next two months that are left of school... oh my goodness.. tonz of stuff coming up... isu's and isp's due within the next few weekz.. then FORMAL!!! ack!!! i think thaz in.... 4 weeks(?) oh... well in that case.. i still got a month.. but that'z gonna go by SOOO fast with all the school stuff that needs to get done... wow.. before u know it, the school year'll be over... =*( last year of high school.. went by so fast... mmm... time to grow up (?) hahahha.. nah!!! =D ah wellz, we'll see what God's got in store... 'nuff blogging.. i'm just mad bored... and don't wanna study nemore.. hehehe.. =) God is good... ALL THE TIME!!!

pressing onward
pushing every hindrance aside
out of my way
'cuz i want to know You more

~ in the secret (i want to know You) ~

Beware of any work for God that causes or allows you to avoid concentrating on Him.

my utmost for His highest

so... yet again, God proves Himself faithful... and when you pray, u're guaranteed to get answers. so as i wuz bloggin last nite... i need to listen more and just drop everything to hear His voice... cuz yah.. i've been so wrapped up in all the stuff thaz coming up... softball, work, coffeehouse, school, church, and SOO much more.. that i've kinda cut my prayer times down to like the 5 minz before i fall asleep... then i find myself waking up and saying amen.. cuz i didn't completely finish the prayer before i lost consciousness... and truthfully, God deserves much better.

so itz kinda funnie that i wake up early this morning for no reason... and i couldn't get back to sleep either... so i open up my utmost... and the statement above is the first statement. and it continues on later and says: The only responsibility you have is to stay in living constant touch with God, and to see that you allow nothing to hinder your cooperation with Him. and all about how it's when we lose sight of God and let the "stuff" get in the way of our focus on God that we end up being burdened and burned out... and honestly, i think thaz the reason that i wuz in sucha funk recently. and well, God finally got through to me.. PRAISE GOD!!! itz awesome to hear Him... and yah... itz a challenge... esp with all the stuff thaz coming up, but listening and just BEING with God is more important than doing all the stuff... after all God values the person more than the ministry.

mmm.. what else is there to say? i started the day in prayer and will be ending it in prayer.. and well itz been awesome throughout! oh!!! there are a couple of prayer requests... bcf coffeehouse.. we need some guidance on that... currently, we're lacking a/some teacher supervisor(s) and we can't have a coffeehouse if there aren't any staff supervisors.. but i know God'll provide.. i think this is just one of those tests.. cuz up to now thingz have come prettie easy... mmm.. more prayer... lots of prayer... other than that, i don't really have anything else that comes to mind. hopefully my day tmw'll be as productive as today... meh.. didn't get the comp art stuff done, but itz arrite.. as long as i stop being so lazie... grrr.. so hard to be motivated when u've already gotten acceptances and u just want summer to be here.. =P

anyhoo... time to pray and just talk to God for a bit.. whee!! can't wait... God's been so awesome.. there are SOOO many thingz that He's blessed me with, itz crazie... wow... PRAISE GOD!!! i can't wait to see what tomorrow'll bring... and then friday.. eekk!!!! test.. =P and then the weekend.. whoa!!! thiz weekend's gotta be fun... =D so much stuff to do, but fun stuff... =) anywayz.. 'nuff for now... prayer time...time to sit and BE STILL....

make my life a prayer to You
i want to do what You want me to...

~ make my life a prayer ~

The secret of the servant’s life is that he stays in tune with God all the time.

my utmost for His highest

okay... wow... just... wow... the things that have been happening lately are just mind-boggling. seriously. i dun even know where to start! i guess first off... lotsa prayer... i dun think i've been spending nearly enuff time in prayer as i should be. and when i am praying, itz like my mind is elsewhere and i'm not really giving God my full attention. and i know how annoying that can be at times when you don't give someone all your attention and ur heart and ur mind are kinda in two different places. thaz how i feel a lotta the time. i think i'm kinda in danger of fallin in the "martha syndrome" just doing stuff... but not listening and being still enuff... but when i actually DO stand still and just LISTEN.. oh my... God's amazing. tonite i've learned a lot... actually wait.. this whole easter weekend i've learned a lot and i've realized a lot i guess... i've realized that i'm slowly... and i emphasize SLOWLY growing up. i can't just be the kid i alwayz am anymore... gotta take on more and more responsibility.. esp heading off to univ...

so... back to the thingz that i've learned.... focus... i've been learning more and more about how important it really is to focus on God and make Him the centre and purpose for EVERYTHING. i guess itz really hard when u're heading off to univ and u've got school and what not to worrie about. and i guess this weekend i really saw how busy i am... and how busy i'm gonna be for the next few months. i dunno... kinda good, kinda bad? good cuz a lot of it is like ministry stuff... bad cuz it makes me busy and i don't wanna be so busy that i #1. lose touch with God.... become out of tune w/ God all of a sudden.... and #2. lose touch with my friends, family and basics... i dun ever wanna be too busy to stop and just chit-chat with friends and catch up on whatz been going on... and of course to accomplish all this... i know exactly what i need... PRAYER... and some good time management skillz.. meanin no more slacking and procrastinating.. hahahaha... come to think of it, i'm STILL procrastinating right now!!! aiya... got lotz to learn and lotz to work on... mmm.. i have a feelin i'm in for a good smackin... =P *sigh* need to be still.. need to listen... need to TRUST... and just wait on God and wait on His timing for thingz... and i think more humility is needed... still got some pride in me... needs to be broken down.. i SOOO need to be like stepped on or something.... =P just proves that i'm still a work in progress...=/

draw me close to You, never let me go...

You're all i want
You're all i ever needed
You're all i want
Help me know You are near

~ draw me close ~

God is good

honestly, don't know what else to say... God's just been mad blessing me left right and center kinda thing....1st thing's first... GOD GOT ME INTO YORK!!!! whooo!!!! my first choice!!!!!!! ackk!!!! i dunno... i'm so excited and happy, but now itz decision making time.. york or ocad... ppl are tellin me ocad.. otherz are tellin me york... gotta do some crazie praying about it.... oh my... i dun wanna make the wrong decision and then regret it and waste a year of my life... eeekkk!!! so yah.. thaz one of the biggies when it comes to prayer requests... that and my calc test tmw... argh... don't like cal-q-lus....

but yah... anywayz.. 'nuff venting... God's been awesome.. just the stuff He's doing in bcf and even in agape... and how He's sustained me thru this week... itz been soooo busy and soooo stressful, but God's been surrounding me with amazing support in my b.a.s.i.cs....just getting prayer support and stuff.. and prayer really does work!!! i wuz praying that i get mosta my calc stuff done today b4 piano so that i could go to yoah.. and ppl were prayin the same thing for me... and well go figure, i get home and i'm able to finish most of everything before piano and i wuz able to go to yoah tonite!!! whooo!!! PRAISE GOD!!!

anywayz... thingz are great... still kinda in a rut in termz of what i'm learning from God... but we all need the times of silence and just perseverence... gotta wait it out and keep pressing on... =) wow... God's amazing... oh my!!! wait.. forgot something! i wuz in bio class today and a nonC friend started asking about why we got thurs off and stuff so i wuz given that window of opportunity to start sharing...so i told her all about passover and easter and stuff.. and what really happened.. and even the history of passover... wow... PRAISE GOD!!! hopefully she'll ask more questionz and God'll gimme the right words to say... prayin that He'll speak thru me... =) and she's muslim too... so itz prettie cool that she's askin all these questionz... wow... i can't wait to see God work! =D God's been sooooo good!!! i dunno where i'd be if i didn't know Him... whoa... scary!!!!

imagine me without You, i'd be lost and so confused
i wouldn't last a day, without You there to see me through
imagine me without You, Lord, You know it's just impossible
because of You, it's all brand new, my life is now worthwhile
i can't imagine me without You.

imagine me without You ~ jaci velasquez